Molasses in an Igloo
by Prisoner Len
Summary: Sephiroth has decided his and Cloud's one year anniversary needs to be memorable. It most certainly will be. SxC; oneshot


"You're slower than moley asses in an igloo." Zack whined, flopping down on Cloud's bed. The teen was taking for-fucking-ever to pick out a shirt to wear.

Cloud blinked. And stared. Then furrowed his brow in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Zack narrowed his eyes at his friend with a frown. "You know… it's a saying. Slower than moley asses in an igloo?"

"…It's molasses, Zack." The blonde replied, cocking an eyebrow.

"What? No it's not. Why would molasses be in an igloo?"

"Oh, I don't know." Cloud shrugged his shoulders. "Same reason you're thinking about frozen mole-covered asses?"

Zack hauled himself into a sitting position and pointed a finger at the blonde. "Touché, Cloud. Touché." he said, poking the teen's stomach. He flopped back down and stared at the ceiling, his arms crossed behind his head. "Think you'll get laid tonight?"

Cloud dropped the t-shirt he was holding and gaped at Zack. "W-What?" he squeaked, his voice high.

The raven-haired teen tilted his head back slightly to give his friend a quizzical look, one eyebrow arched high on his forehead. "I'm just curious. No reason to act like a chick, Spike." He frowned; why was Cloud blush—"Holy shit, you guys haven't fucked?"

Cloud crouched down and picked up his shirt, folding it slowly and chewing on his lower lip. He had been dating Sephiroth—the man of his dreams—for exactly one year. And no, they had not yet "fucked", as Zack had kindly put it. Sephiroth was almost always busy; he owned a rather large and successful business, and often had more paperwork than Cloud liked to think about. Because of that, he only managed to make time for his younger boyfriend a few nights per week. They made the best out of those nights—dinner, movies, watching stupid infomercials, and talking about their dreams. Sex never came up. Ever. Hell, Cloud had never even Sephiroth without a _shirt _on.

And honestly, he was pretty okay with that. Cloud hated to admit it—and certainly would never tell Zack, of all people—but he was maybe-sort-of-_slightly_ afraid. Every single time he tried to play how the scene could possibly go over in his mind, he only saw the possibility that he wasn't good enough. And then Sephiroth would leave him.

He climbed back to his feet and headed back to the closet, reaching for a different shirt. "N-No, we haven't." he finally replied. "Not yet."

Zack sat up again and twisted around to look at his friend. "Well, why not?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Don't you love him?"

Cloud stopped with one arm in his shirt and frowned at the raven-haired teen sitting on his bed. "Of course I love him." he snapped, then shrugged the shirt over his shoulders and buttoned it up. "It just… hasn't come up yet."

"Well, damn." Zack murmured, rubbing his chin in thought. He sighed and rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "Hey, don't worry about it. Me and 'Geal didn't do it until like, two weeks in."

The blonde snorted and sank down onto the bed, snatching up one of his boots and shoving his foot into it. "Gee, Zack. Thank you. That certainly helps."

Any sarcasm went clear over Zack's head and he slapped Cloud on the back with a smile. "Hey, anytime, Spike!"

Cloud punched him on the shoulder, then hopped off of the bed, scooped up his backpack, and headed for the bedroom door. "You're such a loser, Zack." he called over his shoulder with a laugh. He heard the teen laugh and smiled; sure, Zack was a pain in the ass, but he was still Cloud's best friend.

"Hey, hold up!" Zack suddenly called out, fumbling around in his pockets and running out of the room after the blonde. He yanked two plastic squares out of his pocket and held them out to Cloud, his expression dead serious. "If you do it—_if_, Cloud—make sure he uses these."

Cloud groaned and snatched them out of his hand, shoving them into his own pocket and blushing. "Yes, _mother_."

"If you want to do it, just tell him, Cloud. I'm sure he'd have no arguments." Zack pointed out, ruffling the blonde spikes. "Now go. Get the hell out of here, you prick."

With a half-salute, Cloud shrugged his bag further onto his shoulder, wrapped one arm around his best friend in a hug, and took off out of their shared apartment, snatching his keys and cell phone off of the kitchen table on the way.

"_If you want to do it, just tell him, Cloud."_

…But _did_ he want to do it?

Sephiroth was tall—much taller than his boyfriend—and had a natural businessman look about him; his long silver hair was always pulled back in a neat ponytail, and his sharp emerald eyes glared at the world from behind thick-framed glass. He also looked like a complete dickbag that'd kick anyone's ass, should they have the misfortune of irritating him. Or Cloud, for that matter; he had once threatened a man's _life_ simply for whistling at the blonde.

But his bark was much stronger than his bite.

Because the very second one Cloud Strife came into his line of vision, he turned into a bumbling, stuttering mess. And at that particular moment, he was going into overdrive. It was their one year anniversary, and he'd invited Cloud out for dinner, and then the blonde would spend the night. Tonight, Sephiroth planned to get over his fear of that simple three-letter word. If Cloud didn't bring it up, then he would. And if Cloud wasn't ready yet, that was fine by him.

…He just prayed to any and every god in existence that if Cloud did say yes, he wouldn't be disappointed.

"Good morning, Cloud." Sephiroth called gently to the approaching blonde. He lifted his hand, started to wave, then realized what he'd said and slammed his face down into his palm. He could literally feel the gazes of the other patrons in the crowded restaurant on his back. "I meant good evening."

Cloud covered his mouth before he could start laughing; something told him that attracting more attention wouldn't be too much of a great idea. His lover tended to get nervous in crowded places, and the more attention he got, the worse he was. Without giving Sephiroth the chance to pull out his chair, the blonde plopped down in it and stared at the man expectantly. "Hey, Seph."

Sephiroth tried to be smooth as he slid into his chair—really, he did. But fate had a very different plan for him and he instead tripped over his feet, used the table to catch himself, then sat down and glared at the tablecloth.

And that was quite literally the story of his night. First, he knocked a waiter's platter out of the poor man's arms while explaining something to Cloud. Then, he managed to spill his wine. He didn't even want to think about the accidental flinging of his mashed potatoes at the neighboring group. He stuttered and stumbled over his own words, mumbled to himself, and made a complete mess of his meal. The man at the next table over had told Sephiroth to "watch where the hell he threw his food".

Sephiroth promptly turned and shouted "Watch where I'll put my foot".

And that was how the two found themselves outside of the fanciest restaurant in Midgar, a dark expression on Sephiroth's face and a thoroughly humored one on Cloud's. Apparently, threatening to shove your foot up a customer's ass was bad for business and a man much taller than the both of them had demanded they leave immediately.

Sephiroth sighed and turned to Cloud with a frown, shoving his hands deep into his hoodie's pockets. "I-I'm sorry." he murmured, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. "I've ruined our anniversary."

"You're kidding, right?" Cloud laughed, playfully nudging the older man with his elbow. "That was fucking hilarious—did you _see_ that guy's face?"

"No." Sephiroth said sharply, glaring at the pavement below them now. "I ruined everything. I wanted to make tonight memorable, Cloud." He looked back up and gave a small smile. "We only get a one year anniversary once."

And right then, at the look of his boyfriend's face, Cloud came to a rather sudden realization; he _did_ want to have sex with Sephiroth. He wanted to share everything with the man, and have everything shared with him. The man was awkward and strange. And Cloud _loved_ it.

"_If you want to do it, just tell him, Cloud."_

With a sly grin, Cloud pulled Sephiroth down to his level, leaned closer, and whispered something into his ear. For a moment, they were both silent.

And then Sephiroth spluttered out a loud "W-What?", and stared at Cloud in complete and utter shock. The blonde simply nodded and headed for Sephiroth's car, a little more swag in his step. He glanced back over his shoulder, cocked an eyebrow, and Sephiroth fumbled the keys out of his pocket and took off after him.

At some point during the awkward "I love you"s, and Sephiroth accidentally elbowing Cloud in the stomach, the two found themselves sprawled out across the silver-haired man's bed, naked from the waist up. Sephiroth propped himself up on his elbows and gazed down at those baby blue eyes. He leaned down and planted a kiss on the teen's lips.

"How do you want it?" he whispered, grinning despite the fact that he felt absolutely ridiculous for asking such a thing.

Cloud snorted out a laugh at the man's oddly phrased question and thought it over. "Like moley asses in an igloo."

Sephiroth slowly cocked an eyebrow.

And Cloud just blinked up at him in confusion. "…What?"

"Did you just say," Sephiroth twisted his face in confusion, leaning away slightly. "_Moley asses_ in an _igloo_?"

Cloud's jaw dropped and he quickly shook his head. "N-No! I said _molasses_."

Sephiroth burst into laughter, dropping his forehead to rest against Cloud's shoulder. "Where the _hell_ did you get moley asses in an igloo?"

"Zack." The blonde muttered with a frown. At the look he got from Sephiroth, he quickly added, "He said I was as slow as 'moley asses in an igloo' earlier tonight."

"I… see." A silver eyebrow was still arched high, and a grin spread across Sephiroth's face. "Well, my ass is mole-less, so I guess we can't have—"

"No! I meant molasses! Molasses, dammit!" Cloud shrieked, wrapping his arms and legs around the man. "Have sex with me now or I'll—"

"Give me moles?" Sephiroth offered, still grinning. Cloud frowned at him, and he cracked up again. An elbow jabbed into his side and he leaned down to catch the blonde's lips in a kiss again. "Alright, alright. So, slow?"

Cloud nodded shyly, still pouting. Then he sighed, flung his arms out, and growled, "I'm going to fucking _kill _Zack for ruining this for me."

Laughter roared from the usually very professional man, and Cloud soon joined in. Correct phrase or not, they were finally doing what they should have done months ago. And as Cloud gratefully returned a kiss, he figured maybe Zack's death could wait until morning. Or mid-afternoon. Another kiss descended upon his lips, and he changed his mind to Monday. He'd gladly spend Sunday at Sephiroth's. _Gladly_.

* * *

><p><strong>The eennndddd. I'm sorry it's short, and I'm sorry if it sounds choppy (though I've heard from a reliable source that it's all good). <strong>

**I sorta-kinda wrote this for myself for my birthday. I turn old on the 31st. I'd better get out my rocking chair and walking cane so I can give people hell for stepped on my lawn.**

**Regardless of that, I hope you enjoyed reading this random babbling. That was completely based on "molasses in an igloo". That first part where Zack says "moley asses in an igloo" has been sitting on my laptop for weeks now. Anyway. Leave me a review? Thank you so much for reading~**


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